You have to learn to be like the turtle

Oh no I am not thinking of 'slow and steady wins the race' although that too but not today, not now.
I set out at 5.45 in the morning for my game of tennis on ECR thinking it will be wonderful to just cruise along at 60kmph and breathe in the as yet unpolluted air....than a tanker overtook me, I had to brake my thoughts and my car. Next I before I knew it, I was sandwiched between a TNST bus (those double buses chained to each other. Ok I thought to myself this is war! Sigh, out went the leisurely thoughts and early morning calm to be replaced by a battle-ready mind. I rolled down the windows (I like open windows as I can then peek out, make rude gestures and roll out abuses, but worry not, I never get into a fracas or fights) The bus finally decided to take pity on my and veered to the left to let me pass. Now the road was truly empty, and no sooner had I settled down than I heard raucous Tamil songs being hammered out of 4 giant speakers placed one on top of the other (these would put even the best concert equipment to shame). The songs I guesses were either paens to MGR/ Vijay/ Captain or Murugan, Gauriamman or Karthick. Same difference!
So its times like these I wish I knew the tricks of Yoga and meditation and withdraw within myself, to put my head down in the my own oasis of calm and not let these external factors agitate me. Believe the abuse that we put up with is phenomenal- noise pollution, air pollution, traffice violators, civic disruptions like Mandaps for some political meeting right in the middle of the road.
Folks, maybe its time to take sme lessons from the ostrich and the turtle and even the snail, I say. Anything that normalises your blood pressure and gives you time to catch your breath and return to sanity.

Camera is a vile word

My sister in law asked me..
“Did you go on this holiday under duress? Were you held for ransom?
“No”
At gun point?
“No”
Was there any pressure?”
“Oh absolutely none. I went willingly.”
“Then why are you looking so grim under this beautiful, blue, azure sky?”
That’s because my husband is holding the camera and he is as competent as a child with a gun who might have the wrong end pointed toward his quarry and he couldn’t care less!!!!
The eternal suffering of a person who is camera-happy is to be surrounded with equally camera-unhappy people, people who don’t care for 20MP happiness in all its digital, vivid colour grandeur.
“Will you take a picture please? Will you? Please take a picture? Picture please? Me and him (here I point frantically at him and me)? This is what I request perfect strangers to make up for my decidedly camera-cold family. My husband actually has the gall to say- well let’s go on a vacation- me, the kids and your camera. I worship my camera, It’s my third baby- youngest, cutest and what’s more it does my bidding and all it asks for is batteries- I am perennially beset by battery anxiety and memory card inadequacy. So when the family is in a 7/11 shop and the kids are going berserk filling up the shopping cart , I am moving along the aisles like a lunatic trying to stock up on Duracell, triple As. Once my better half had to literally wrangle me away from the camera, you see I had tightly wound the camera on my right wrist. He said that he will have to cut my arm loose to get me away from the little rascal with just one eye. I asked him if he will take a picture of my camera lying in my own blood. He just sighed but looked at me like he married a closet camchopath!
Well I am not so bad either. I can go for long periods on our holiday without the click click sound..like when I am in the washroom………..

Untable this please

TV, amplifier, VCD player and tata sky cable, laptop power cord, Lan cable, my MP 3 earphones, the list just goes on and on.
Wires and cables are the bane of my life; it prevents me from looking..how do you say in teenage parlance…. cool!
I have admired the cool quotient of people listening to music over earphones. Actually I admire the cool quotient of people who have this amazing ability to deal with wires, cables, cords, keep them hidden with such nonchalance that it’s as if the content is streaming through thin air.
The MP3 is discreetly tucked away in the pockets and it’s as if the music appears from nowhere. They drive cars, lift weights in the gym, hang out in cafes and malls, use the escalator with such ease, board trains and buses, drive cars, cross roads and eat too. Ditto with the people who speak on cell phones with the hands-free gadget. I have tried this too (I admit my singular failure).
I swore to join the wireless cool legion when I bought a new cell phone. I hunted down the box in which the accessories that came with my phone were packed. I extracted the bluetooth with some reverence imagining all those people who had the thing attached to their ears and spoke without a worry in the world. Well here I come! I managed to fix it to my ear after several attempts as it refused to hang in there and as soon as I would punch in a number it would fall off. After some time came my bg moment. A friend called and I answered, I could move freely without carrying my phone, I walked to the balcony
'Hello XYZ'
'Hey I cant hear you'
'Hello' at this point I pressed the bluetooth device in my ear with my index finger the way I had seen smart secret service men do in movies. To no avail. My friends just hung up.
My husband was the next to call. I excitedly answered finally here was a man who would patiently bear with my efforts.
'Ketaki...'
'Hello'
'I cant hear you, what is it? Are you wearing your bluetooth?
'Yes can you hear me?'
'Please take it off, I can’t hear a word you are saying'
Sigh! Looks like my attempt to be cool was failing fast. Never mind, I still had the MP3 player.
I pulled the earphones, hooked it to my Transcend (don't give me the- "aint you cheap look").
Time to go to the gym. With the player in my hand, I picked up my pair of shoes I had to bend to tie the lace and the MP3 fell from my lap, the head phone wire got entagled around my thigh like it was the sexiest thing on earth! Disaster again. I packed it away.
Now I moved to the laptop at work. I got my machine out of the bag, set it on the table, connected it to the LAN cable. Good! Now for the power cord. As I tried to bring it out, I realized something else came out along with it too- the mouse. The mouse decided that maybe it was time for some fun at my expense. It consorted with my comb and it in turn had hooked up with my set of keys. I just pulled at at all in anger and everything came tumbeling down like it was strung in a giant garland- wallet, keys, mouse, power cord, a sanitary napkin...I am sure I must have looked like a mad woman.
I came back home in the evening to see my husband calmly working on his laptop on the dining table, I stepped around gingerly to avoid tripping on the numerous cables (power, LAN, modem, etc etc…) and he looked at me like I am crazy. Why are you walking on your toes, said the king of cool, for a second I thought I was hallucinating. Was I? Where are the snaking, black cables? Where is that zillion point extension board? Where is it? I asked almost violently. Where is what? Trust him to be calm when I feel like my insides are churning to lava. Aha the cables is it? Well I am using Reliance air card or some such thing…just push it in the USB port and be connected. Lovely, while I was trying to part cables like Moses, my husband had already figured it out.
I have seen living rooms with an impressive flat screen TV…and that’s it. Apparently the TV is connected to Tata Sky, but hey where are the cables that connect the set top box to the TV set? Where is the power cord? Where is the cable that connects the amplifier to the TV (the sound is just delicious). It is somehow hidden somewhere just like the magic in Harry Potter.
But people who come out tops in their ‘fight’ (I am assuming it’s a fight because for me it certainly is) with the numerous cables and wires are those that listen to music with the earphones stylishly tucked in their ears and the MP3 player discreetly in the pockets. That is cool. I have tried to do that and for me the battle started with untangling the earphones. The left head phone is entwined with the right and the right has mysteriously curled itself around itself. I try desperately to unknot but it gets even more entangled. I have untangled it many times and neatly tied it around the phone like a thread. But when the phone rings and I want to talk with the ear phones on, they fail me every time…and I mistakenly press the end button. Even in the gym, when I see 10 other people listening serenely to their players, I wonder how they get it right.
My earphones have a life of their own. They somehow manage to creep around the treadmill handle and still remain entangled. Finally as I am about to start and hit the play button, the right head phone falls out of my ear. In sheer frustration I give it up to listen to the hopeless music playing outside. Just then I get a ‘you are so pathetic’ look from this young ‘dude’ who is as usual ‘headphoned’ . I wonder how they manage to do chin-dips and crunches without breaking sweat over the earphones…..I am alas totally defeated.
Then I tried to connect the earphones to my phone so when it rings while I am driving, I can talk without having to take my eyes off the road and the hands of the steering wheel and gears. Ok, so far so good. I arrived at work, parked, and then I needed to get the ID out from around my neck. But then it somehow got entangled in the earphones. I tried to take the two apart with force, but the two cords appeared like they had joined together for eternity. I got out, and struggled with the ID, somehow got it free but then my shades that I stuck on my head came off along with ID and were hurled on the road. I can only imagine how I looked- the other end of the earphones cord was on my right shoulder, the ID was in my left hand and my precious glasses on the road. This wasn’t working and it hasn’t till now but I haven’t stopped trying.

When you know your are going to die

Aai- mee atta Germany la yeoo shakat nahee, pun mala tuzhi kaljee vattey
Mulga- aai aga asa kahee nahee aahey, thoda kanatala yeto hospital madhe. Kiti magazines vaachnaar and kiti TV pahanaar?
Aai- mee October madhe yenyacha prayatna kartey
Mulga- aga aai ghai karoo nakos, savkash zamel tevha ye
Aai- arey tuzhya hospital la sang na tula laptop dyayla, thoda virangula
mulga- aai tey fakta terminal stage madhlya lokaan laptop detaat.
aai- hey bagh kaljee ghe, aaraam kar ani mi phone karat raheen

after a month the son calls
aai- kasa ahes? vel kasa zaatoy tuzha? Gym la zaato na roz?
mulga- aai mala Laptop milala.

I cried after my mom narrated this story about her friend's son. Was restless for days afterwards. I coundnt bring myself to translate this into English

Being nice to others

You might wonder at the somewhat bland title of this blog. I didnt know what else to call it. On way to work, I pass by (not meet) at least a dozen people who I pass by every day- my neighbour's cook who is about to start her say, the house-keeping lady, the car wash guy, the security pesonnel of my complex, the security guard of my organisation who checks my ID and gatepass, the security guy at my building reception and finally the house-keeping lady who is fervently picking up used coffee mug so that she can wash them and rady them for the onslaught of early morning coffee drinkers. Wow, I am tired just reading this list. Look at how many people you cross auras with without meaning to and who you do not have any direct transactions with. This does not include your colleagues (your buddies), your colleagues (strictly colleagues), your boss, your children, husband, househelp, nanny, parents, relatives and other peripherals
Well I have not included the most sticky aura among all these- those with the most powerful weapon in the world- the telephone:). These tele-auras will sell you credit cards, pre-approved-upto- a crore-personal loans, club memberships, car loans, home loans, will ask you have paid your mobile bills (at least 5 times). I am tired again.
Now comes the moot point- be nice to all of them. It wont cost you rupee. Tell the tele sales girl/ guy that you dont need a credit card (or whatever product she/ he is offering) and then hang up. I am the kindest to the guys hanging outside my office (at all times of the day and year). I was stunned to see credit card agents at 1.30 in the morning outside the office gate. They were still sticking out application forms to everyone who came out of the gate. Be glad you are not in their shoes and thank your Karma.
You don't need to bang the door in their faces, just closing it will do. Be nice to everybody, they are fighting their own battles.

Dinner at Prego

The new Italian speciality restaurant Prego was launched at the Taj Coromandel and I couldnt resist taking up the invite to check it. Prego has a great wine cellar. The best part is, it is not in a cellar where the sommelier or even the occassional wine lover has to climb down a ladder. It is also not beyond the wondering eye of the diner. The neatly stacked rows of bottles are right there, tantalising you whenever your gaze wanders from your plate. And I loved it. We started with a Dr. Wolf Riesling. The fruity flavour of the riesling going well with the Quenelle of Ricotta in 4 flavours followed by Polenta and mushrooms in cheese sauce. The proportions are just right and the flavours of every ingredient remains with you right after you are done with your dinner.
Our tongues are totally blunted and taste and olefactory senses are assailed or rather killed with the smells of Indian kitchens. We are used to masalas and tadkas and meats and vegetables that are bludgeoned into the seasoning so that the dish comes out as ONE WHOLE.
I enjoyed my Prego experience but at the same time I absolutely cannot go without my varan bhat with tup for more than 2 days.

My shots!

WIth every passing week, I am getting better and better at tennis and it won't be soon before I am fit to lose 6-1, 6-1 to any decent player. Now you will wonder just what I mean by this? Well having started so late in the game, I am still a beginner. I might not fumble or look clumsy at the baseline or even serve well for a beginner but I still stand no chance. So where exactly is my tennis game. I mean I only have to climb a 40 storeyed building and gaze down at anything that looks as tiny as an ant. That ant is where my game is.
I started in the first week of August this year and gave myself a month to see if I would continue. At the end of 3 months if I was still smacking balls and wearing my soles thin at the net then I would present myself a good- quality racket.
I had bought a cheap Kuawei racket not knowing if I will still be with the game and not wanting to invest in something wishful if thats what my whim turned out to be. I am happy playing tennis and surprisingly it didnt take me long to actually connect the racket with the ball and send it smartly over the net. I had been watching Martina and Chris Evert, Steffi Graf and Sabatini, Becker and Sampras and also John McEnroe (though memories are fading and are restricted to his smashing the racket:)) and now my present day hero Roger Federer. He is GOD! I have recorded all those moves of theirs on court- all those shots that I loved, I now appreciate them even more and when I watch any game I participate-sigh when the beautiful forehand lands a whisker outside the sideline or a guaranteed volley is gulped down by the net just like people do while watching cricket. It thrills me that I got this far. It is absolutely more exhilirating than say completing a 5 Km walk on the threadmill or managing to do those painful push-ups for the 3rd time. You run, you swoop down on the ball, you smash, you make a passing forehand (believe me nothing is as thrilling as this) and you run across this court that you felt was so small that you could cover it in three strides and now that you are actually playing on it, the world seems like a smaller place than the court
And I must mention when I go to bed, I am thinking of my serve and my right hand actually involuntarily twitches. I see that as a "divine sign" that I will continue with tennis for many years to come and evetually turn a 1-6, 1-6 loss into a win with 6 on the left hand side.